Publication: National Examiner
Date: 7 Nov. 2011
The low rent Examiner tells us Larry Hagman is cancer stricken and that his last wish is to outlive his dying wife.
Showing posts with label National Examiner. Show all posts
Showing posts with label National Examiner. Show all posts
Bun in the Oven Alert™: A baby for Garth and Trisha.
Publication: National Examiner
Date: 7 Nov. 2011
The low rent Examiner says there is a baby in the future for Garth Brooks and Trisha Yearwood. It was not explicitly on the cover stated if she was pregnant or they planned to adopt.
Kick a corpse, why don'tcha and Meanest Story nominee: Buddhism killed Steve Jobs!
Publication: National Examiner
Date: 7 Nov. 2011
The low rent Examiner tells us there is a "Harvard report" that claims Buddhist beliefs killed Steve Jobs. It's a sign of how well known Jobs was that the low rent Examiner thinks their demographic, which skews older, more Southern and more dense, will know who he is and judge him on his scary non-Christian beliefs.
This is a nominee for Meanest Story of the Week.
Fussin' and Feudin' Alert™ and On the Rocks Alert: Oprah incensed as Gayle steals Stedman!
Publication: National ExaminerDate: 31 Oct. 2011
The Oprah/Gayle/Stedman triangle has been an unstable situation for some time now according to the gossip rags, but how about a curveball to throw it completely out of whack? Yes, Stedman is seeing Gayle according to the low rent Examiner. They call this "breaking news", the latest fad in these slow moving publishing dinosaurs, and of course, Oprah is furious.
The latest Ashton and Demi drama. With a little extra Bruce Willis goodness thrown in.
Publications: National Examiner, National Enquirer, OK!, In TouchDate: 31 Oct. 2011
Fresh trash on Thursdays! And a special welcome to gossip hell to Bruce Willis, his first mention on the cover of a supermarket rag this decade. Here are the headlines.
- National Examiner: Demi wants Bruce back
- National Enquirer: Tortured by Ashton's secret double life…
Demi suicide shocker!
Inside: details of her visit to this church for help
humiliation pushes her to brink
Bruce rushes to Demi's side - OK!: Ashton's cheating: What Demi's kids think
- In Touch: Demi kicks Ashton out!
And the camera noses in to the tears on her face: Monica Lewinsky's sad and lonely life re-hashed.
Publication: National ExaminerDate: 24 Oct. 2011
Fresh trash tomorrow! Last trash of the week... right now!
I have no idea how large the writing staff at the low rent Examiner is, but I'm guessing it's much smaller than any of the other gossip rags except the completely fabricated Sun. My guess is because the magazine has no online presence and they re-cycle stories of their own or steal from their more well off stable-mates the Enquirer and Globe on a regular basis. This week, they re-cycled their own "re-open the Natalie Wood" case story and they ripped on the Enquirer's story from last month about how bad Monica Lewinsky's life is. They say she is lonely, miserable and living with her parents, which is a very little different from the Enquirer's headlines last month.
Dig up a corpse, why don'tcha? Re-open Natalie Wood's murder case! Again!
Publication: National ExaminerDate: 24 Oct. 2011
The low rent Examiner calls for the re-opening of the case dealing with Natalie Wood's death, which they say is murder. People with really good memories (better than mine, for example) will recall the low rent Examiner is re-cycling this story from June of 2010 and who knows how many times before I started writing this silly blog. I wouldn't have remembered except the Blogger software let me know the "Natalie Wood" label already existed, though not "Natalie Wood 2011".
The new detail in the headlines is the first cop on the scene asking for the case to be re-opened.
Bad mom alert: Martha Stewart's daughter writes tell-all book.
Publication: National ExaminerDate: 24 Oct. 2011
The headline on the low rent Examiner reads "Martha Stewart mom from hell!", information gleaned from the new tell-all book written by Stewart's daughter Alexis, who is now 46.
If they make a movie of it, it's just too bad Faye Dunaway is now too old to play Martha in her prime.
Meanest Story nominee: Sad Last Days for stars from 60 Minutes.
Publication: National ExaminerDate: 24 Oct. 2011
Welcome to gossip hell, Mike Wallace and Andy Rooney! The low rent Examiner aims directly for their old as dirt demographic with stories about these guy who have been ticking longer than that damn stop watch. Here are the headlines.
- Mike Wallace fading fast
- Andy Rooney forced out
This is a nominee for Meanest Story of the Week.
Fussin' and Feudin' Alert™: More country catfights.
Publication: National ExaminerDate: 17 Oct. 2011
This is the continuation of the Meanest Story nominee that said Miss Dolly Parton and Miss Loretta Lynn are not seeing eye to eye.
The other alleged feuds are more generational.
Chely Wright and Reba McIntire are not getting along.
And welcome to gossip hell, Gretchen Wilson! The young woman who had her first big hit in 2004 She is supposed to be having trouble with Tanya Tucker, whose first hit was recorded in 1972, which makes this Hey Old Timer Gossip.
She looks like she's in pain. I'm in pain just looking at that outfit.
Fussin' and Feudin' Alert™: Bill and Barack hate each other.
Publication: National ExaminerDate: 17 Oct. 2011
The Globe prints more stories about Barack Hussein Hitler Obama than does the low rent Examiner, but the Examiner is fond of story that the Clintons and the Obamas do not get along. This time, instead of Michelle and Hillary, it's Bill and Barack who are at each others' throats.
Meanest story nominee: The only country catfight that matters.
Publication: National Examiner
Date: 17 Oct. 2011
The low rent Examiner has one of those grab bag Who Hates Whom stories on their cover this week, this time dealing with women of country music. I'm ignoring the two preliminary fights to make the main event a Meanest Story of the Week nominee.
Date: 17 Oct. 2011
The low rent Examiner has one of those grab bag Who Hates Whom stories on their cover this week, this time dealing with women of country music. I'm ignoring the two preliminary fights to make the main event a Meanest Story of the Week nominee.
According to the low rent Examiner, Miss Loretta Lynn is in a tussle with...
Miss Dolly Parton.
Regular readers will know that when I call some lady "Miss", this means I take a dim view of anyone saying bad things about them.
This is a nominee for Meanest Story of the Week.
Meanest story nominee: Charlie Sheen has six months to live! (Friends fear.)
Publication: National ExaminerDate: 17 Oct. 2011
The supermarket rags do not usually hover over the truly flaming hot messes of Hollywood. If they did, Charlie Sheen would have become a fixture in the top ten celebrities list. The Only Ten Magazines That Matter are much more interested in the love lives of Kim Kardashian and Jennifer Aniston.
But after a flurry of stories in March, Charlie has had only two headlines in the mags since until this week, when he moves from the Brave Last Days list to the Expiration Date list. According to the low rent Examiner, his friends fear he has only six months to live. It should be noted that it was the low rent Examiner that put Charlie on the Not Long 4 This World list last year when it reported Martin Sheen was trying to intervene to save his son.
This is a nominee for Meanest Story of the Week.
Demon Drugs Alert™: Willie's shocking new medical crisis… because of pot!
Publication: National ExaminerDate: 10 Oct. 2011
If you want news about Willie Nelson, the low rent Examiner has been your only supermarket rag option this decade. They have written that he is dying, going to prison and helping save wild horses. Now they say he has a medical condition due to smoking marijuana, though they don't use the word "deadly" or "dying", so this does not rise to the level of tabloid death watch.
You don't hear much about people having health problems due to smoking marijuana, but as a non-doctor, I would say that if you do ANYTHING as much as Willie Nelson smokes pot, trouble is likely to arise.
Meanest story nominee: William orders Charles to dump Camilla now!
Publication: National ExaminerDate: 10 Oct. 2011
In the tabloids, the Camilla Parker-Bowles of 2011 is not so much a human being as a robot programmed to attack her daughter-in-law Kate Middleton. (I know I should stop calling her by her maiden name, but I really haven't got quite used to Duchess Catherine yet.) In any case, Wills has told jug-eared Chuck that he has to get rid of her NOW.
This is a nominee for Meanest Story of the Week.
Kick several corpses, why don'tcha? The Jackie tapes, both real and imaginary.
Publications: People, National ExaminerDate: 10 Oct. 2011
Fresh trash on Thursdays! The top and the bottom of the supermarket gossip food chain have cover stories about the Jackie Kennedy Onassis tapes that have been released.
Let's start with the headlines on People.
- Jackie's secret life
- New revelations, new questions
- Fifty years after the White House, the iconic First Lady still fascinates. A look at her life, her loves, her private pain and her enduring style
- Secret Jackie O tapes
- What wasn't allowed on TV
- Plan to make John Jr. president
- Who really killed JFK!
- White House affairs - his and hers!
Dr. Oz: 12 tips on how to live to be 100.
Publication: National ExaminerDate: 3 Oct. 2011
Welcome back to gossip hell, Dr. Oz! Last year, the Enquirer had a story calling him a fraud and People reported on a pre-cancerous polyp on his colon. This year, he gets his first mention on the cover of a supermarket rag at the end of September, a positive headline from the low rent Examiner giving advice on how to live to be 100.
Fussin' and Feudin' Alert™: Kathie Lee to replace Regis... and he's furious!
Publication: National ExaminerDate: 3 Oct. 2011
Daytime TV is for an older demographic, and that demographic reads the low rent Examiner. Regis Philbin is leaving his successful show and the rumor is he will be replaced by his former partner Kathie Lee Gifford, a development of which he disapproves. Here are the headlines.
- She'll RUIN the show, he rages
- Last Show: Nov. 18, 2011
Other sources confirm the last show's date, but no mention of his replacement has yet been made.
Meanest story nominee and Comfy Shoes Alert™: Jane Fonda's secret gay life!
Publication: National ExaminerDate: 3 Oct. 2011
The low rent Examiner gets two nominees for Meanest Story this week, including one where they say Jane Fonda has (or had) a secret gay life.
Looking at this picture from her youth, you can hardly blame anyone for wanting to have sex with Jane Fonda.
Personally, I don't think it a terrible thing for a person to be gay and it's better to be honest about it than hide it in a perfect world, but this is clearly not a perfect world. Unless someone is making a profit from being a homophobe or running for office on an anti-gay agenda, I think people have a right to a private life and outing anyone else is just catty and rude, or as I think is more likely in this case, plain old bullshit.
This is a nominee for Meanest Story of the Week.
Meanest story nominee: Did an affair with a cop ruin Bill O'Reilly's marriage?
Publication: National ExaminerDate: 3 Oct. 2011
Back in June, the low rent Examiner said that Bill O'Reilly's marriage was in trouble. More recently, the online semi-gossip source Gawker went public with O'Reilly's bribing the local cops into investigating the cop who was sleeping with O'Reilly's wife.
I have to admit to more than just a little schadenfreude here, not just because Bill O'Reilly gets to wear the cuckold's horns in public, but because this self-important clown is only thought of as newsworthy by the low rent Examiner. This makes sense, since both their demographics have a median age of half past dead.
This is a nominee for Meanest Story of the Week.
[Tee hee.]
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