Bun in the oven alert™: The OFFICIAL story about Wills'N'Kate's first kid.

Publication: Globe
Date: 7 Nov. 2011

Fresh trash on Thursdays! The screaming headline on the cover of the Globe states IT'S OFFICIAL when obviously it's not, but their story is that Kate Middleton is definitely pregnant and it's definitely a girl. Here are the rest of the headlines.

• Kate's having baby girl!
• Palace uproar: Royals want male heir
• William building $1m pink nursery here (Buckingham Palace)
  

Bun in the oven alert™: Wills'N'Kate decide when their baby will be born!

Publications: OK!, In Touch
Date: 17 Oct. 2011

The Globe had it as a throwaway sub-headline, but OK! and In Touch think it's worth a story on its own. Wills'N'Kate have set a date for the birth of their baby. Here are the headlines.

• OK!: William and Kate talk the royal baby!
• In Touch: Kate a baby in June

Okay, we just started October, so nine months from now is early July. Is she like two weeks pregnant? There hasn't been any official confirmation, and it's really hard to set an exact date this far out, so I'm going to give both In Touch and OK! a fail label for this one.

I'll take it back if I'm wrong.

Fussin' and Feudin' Alert™ and Bun in the Oven Alert: Kate crushes Camilla... and, oh yeah, she's gonna have a baby.

Publication: Globe
Date: 17 Oct. 2011

Once again, Kate and Camilla are at each others' throat and allegedly, the younger, taller, more fit competitor has won this round. Apparently, all Kate had to say is "Go to hell, Camilla!" and by Buckingham Palace rules, she wins!

And, as an aside at the end, the Globe lets us know the date Wills'N'Kate have set aside for the royal heir to be born.

Meanest story nominee: William orders Charles to dump Camilla now!

Publication: National Examiner
Date: 10 Oct. 2011

In the tabloids, the Camilla Parker-Bowles of 2011 is not so much a human being as a robot programmed to attack her daughter-in-law Kate Middleton. (I know I should stop calling her by her maiden name, but I really haven't got quite used to Duchess Catherine yet.) In any case, Wills has told jug-eared Chuck that he has to get rid of her NOW.

This is a nominee for Meanest Story of the Week.

Bun in the oven alert™: Kate pregnant with twins!

Publication: Star
Date: 19 Sept. 2011

The Star goes for the whole enchilada with a story that the former Kate Middleton is not only pregnant, but pregnant with twins. Here are the headlines.

• Kate pregnant with twins
• The official announcement
• A boy and a girl
• Now she's struggling to gain weight
• Wills'N'Kate overjoyed
  
  

The only thing official about this story is that it's been officially denied already.

Love Bird Alert: Wills'N'Kate at home.

Publication: OK!

Date: 22 August 2011

OK!, the nicest of the supermarket rags if not the most reliable, says they have the inside story of the royal newlyweds at home.

Damn You Skinny Alert™: Starving to be sexy.

Publication: Weekly Life & Style
Date: 25 July 2011

Weekly Life & Style goes negative on a bunch of size zero celebrities, including Leann Rimes, pictured above and only one of them is a reality TV star. Here are the headlines.

• William tells Kate to ditch the diet as the size zero princess loses 10 lbs.
• Leann: Skin and bones
• Heidi (Klum): Losing her curves
• Katie (Holmes): No carbs in three months
• Audrina (Patridge): Mom says "Get Skinnier!"
  

Rich people are rich: Royal visit stories.

Publications: People, Us Weekly
Date: 25 July 2011

Fresh trash on Thursdays! The are a lot of stories about Wills or Kate or both this week, but only two focus on the visit that just ended. Here are the headlines.

• Us Weekly: Inside the royal visit
  all the photos
• People: Dazzling! Will & Kate Conquer America
  14 pages of Royal Tour photos
  Gowns! Glamour! Private moments!

Wills'N'Kate in The New World.

Publications: Us Weekly, Weekly Life & Style, Globe
Date: 18 July 2011

Now that the young royals are on this side of the Atlantic, the American gossip rags are all over the story. People mentioned only Kate, but three other mags mentioned the couple. Here are the headlines.

• Weekly Life & Style: Kate & William American Vacation album
• Globe: William & Kate baby drama
  Too thin royal bride's secret visit to a U.S. fertility clinic -Palace insiders reveal
• Us Weekly: Kate & Will's photo diary
  Secrets of the Royal Visits
  Kate brought 40 outfits!
  Their intimate date - in a log cabin
  She's talking about a baby!

The Globe can't help but be negative, while all the rest of the coverage has been glowing.

Stay classy, Globe!