Cher's shocking breakdown over Chaz!

Publication: National Enquirer
Date: 24 Oct. 2011

Most of the stories I read elsewhere talk about how much support Cher has given to Chaz Bono as he competes on Dancing With The Stars, but the Enquirer always has to pee in the punch bowl and given that, they have a cover story of a much nastier nature. Here are the headlines.

• Exclusive what you didn't see on DWTS
• She can't accept transgender son
• Cher's shocking breakdown over Chaz!
• Plus: Cher lashes out at 'Dancing' - vicious insults and nasty slurs

Stay classy, Enquirer.

Rich people are rich: Inside the homes of the stars!

Publication: People
Date: 1o Oct. 2011

People has an exclusive story touring the homes of several stars, including Simon Cowell, Lauren Conrad, Cher and more.

Not Long 4 This World Alert: Chaz Bono's life in danger!

Publication: National Enquirer
Date: 15 August 2011

Fresh trash on Thursdays!

Bless me, Father, for I have sinned. It's been... oh hell, who am I kidding? I was raised agnostic and I've NEVER been to confession.

But I did sin. I opened one of these damned magazines.

To me, "life in danger" isn't exactly "Brave Last Days", and even though the Flagship also wrote "Cher fights to save him", I had to see what the big damn deal was.

Chaz is getting hitched and wants to diet for the wedding.

As a fat person, I say good for him.

The Enquirer says he is putting his life at risk by going on a 2,000 calorie a day diet.

Aww, hellz no, as we say in Oaktown.

1,500 calories a day, that's dicey. 900 calories a day? That what the Germans fed Jewish prisoners who they wanted to keep alive just long enough to build the V-2 rocket sites.

Extremely bad idea.

But 2,000 calories is completely within the normal scale. I am giving it a Not Long 4 This World label because they used the word "deadly" in the article, but I'm still calling bullshit on this story.

You want to lose weight for your wedding, Chaz? Good idea. You have to look at those pictures forever.

Best wishes to all concerned.