Damn You Skinny Alert™: How dieting destroyed their looks

Publication: Weekly Life & Style
Date: 7 Nov. 2011

Fresh trash on Thursdays! Lots f stories about extreme dieting this week, including a pile-on attack on one celebrity that will be a nominee for Meanest Story of the Week tomorrow. Weekly Life & Style says that dieting has ruined the looks of Angelina Jolie, seen here when she was nice and fleshy.

The other actress in this story that has a picture making her look like a skeleton in a dress is Katie Holmes.

Damn You Skinny Alert™: Angie eats 800 calories a day.

Publication: Star
Date: 31 Oct. 2011

Fresh trash on Thursdays! The latest flaw in the personality of Angelina Jolie to be flogged mercilessly by the supermarket rags is that she is too skinny. Star is the main perpetrator of this story, but not the only one. They also say she is headed for rehab.

Fussin' and Feudin' Alert™: Angelina targets Jen's new man YET AGAIN.

Publication: National Enquirer
Date: 3 Oct. 2011

Fresh trash on Thursdays! Say what you will about the National Enquirer. I have probably said something worse. If they have a saving grace, it's that their stories are usually not just re-hashes of stuff that's already been printed elsewhere. Even when they cover the same material, they usually put a meaner spin on it. This week, they have Angelina Jolie trying to get between Jennifer Aniston and Justin Theroux. Here are the headlines.

• Angie wants Jen's new man!
• Explosive fight after Angelina invites Justin to dinner & offers him movie role
• Jen rages: "Keep your hands off of him!"
  

This story is ten weeks old, first reported by In Touch. Not the Enquirer's best work by a long shot.

Damn You Skinny Alert™: Angelina Jolie weighs 94 lbs.

Publication: Star
Date: 26 Sept. 2011

Fresh trash on Thursdays! Yet again, Angelina Jolie is excoriated for her weight, which Star says is down to 94 lbs.

Fussin' and Feudin' Alert™: Who hates who! Or is it "Who hates whom?"

Publication: Globe
Date: 12 Sept. 2011

The Globe has one of those general guessing games on the front cover this week, with six faces surrounding the headline "Who Hates Who! Shocking fights and nasty insults" Obviously, the Globe knows that correct grammar would just insult and confuse its readership, which skews older and more Southern, so it decides not to write "Who hates whom!" (Quick rule I learned in school. Re-write a sentence using "he" or "him". Translate "he" to "who" and "him" to "whom".)

The pictures include Angelina Jolie making a rare appearance on the Globe cover, Kate Middleton, Danica Patrick, Kirstie Alley, Hillary Clinton and Joan Rivers.

I'm not sure this is fair, because I think nearly everybody hates Joan and Angelina.

Damn You Skinny Alert™: Hollywood's extreme diets

Publication: OK!

Date: 5 September 2011



A quick scan of the label list shows that Damn You Skinny™ stories are more than twice as common as Damn You Fat™ stories, roughly as common as Bun In The Oven Alerts™. OK! has three women on the cover this week, Gwyneth Paltrow, LeAnn Rimes and Angelina Jolie, with a passel of headlines that aren't connected to specific people, hoping to get someone to open the magazine and read it. In my case, as usual, this clever plan did not work.



Here are the headlines.

• Hollywood's most extreme diets
• Exercising at midnight
• Eating only baby food
• 190 calories per meal
• Who's being healthy and who's in danger!
  
  

Damn You Skinny Alerts™: Stars' body struggles.

Publication: Weekly Life & Style

Date: 22 August 2011

Weekly Life & Style had one of those grab bag stories of good looking female celebrities getting crazy about staying skinny. The person who got the most attention was Kate Middleton, but I split that into a separate story. The original sub-story had a list of four names, but I took the headline about JWoww from Jersey Shore and included that in another story from another mag about her. Here are the other three headlines.

Katie Holmes is starving for fashion.

Angelina Jolie has no time for food.



Cameron Diaz spends hours at the gym and does not eat carbs.

Bad Mom alert and bad help alert:Nanny rats on Angelina.

Publication: In Touch
Date: 15 August 2011

Angelina Jolie gets three cover stories this week, two as part of the major gossip couple of our generation and one as a bad mom, according to an ex-nanny Krisann Morel. Here are the headlines.

• Angelina, "Ice queen" mom
• The nanny tells all!
  shocking book exclusive
• The incident that drove nanny Krisann Morel to tears!
  How Angelina stages photos and orders nannies to hide
• Ignores hurt Shiloh
• Chaos at home: Kids literally swinging on chandeliers!
  

Damn You Skinny Alert™: Desperate to be skinny.

Publication: Weekly Life & Style
Date: 8 August 2011

Yet another story about too skinny female celebrities this week. Here are the headlines.

Katie Holmes: Skin and bones
Tom's worried as Katie drops to her lowest weight ever

Kate: Pressure to be perfect

Angelina: Skips Meals and Snubs Carbs

Housewife Taylor: Divorce Stress

Tara Reid: Lipo wasn't enough

Good Mom Alert™: Angelina and the kids in London.

Publications: People, In Touch
Date: 8 August 2011

Fresh trash on Thursdays! I've written it many times before, but it bears repeating. Other people have to do something to get on the covers of The Only Ten Magazines That Matter. Angelina Jolie merely has to exist.

It's all about her and the kids this week, Brad is not mentioned. Here are the headlines.

• People: Angie and the kids take London
• In Touch: Angelina: Inside the Twins' World